“Be a person with emotional and intellectual depth, someone that speaks with passion from their inner twisted mind.”
Dependency is not only used as a word to describe the situation of a “clingy” partner. A believer is dependent to god, a fanatic is dependent to his team, a patriotic citizen is dependent to his country, a mother is dependent to her son. But why human beings feel the need to be dependent on someone so desperately?
Not so suprisingly, it all starts because of the “insecurities” people get from their childhood. People who are not treated as individuals, but instead as children not capable of taking their own decisions, turn into “dependent” adults.
If today we have religious extremists, radical fanatics, or obsessed lovers in our society, we owe these characters to again ourselves, the society itself. And again, drug addiction or shopacholicness is no different than those I have listed above.
Think it this way. Taking actions of your own, and following your ideals no matter what is hard, extremely hard. It is already safer to act as a member of the group, without breaking the rules or trying something new. But you are turning that extremely hard accomlishment to an impossible one with your actions.
If you raise a children by saying “Don’t do that!”, “Go with the flow of the group.”, “No one will listen to you if you are alone.” they will grow up listening to their parents, doing what you say. Don’t forget, they started this world with a blank page. You were the one to filled in the blanks and guided them.
So look back at your self at the mirror before accusing the generations that you have raised years ago. Choose your words carefully; plan your actions strategically. It is easy to say you are “weak” or “dependent” from your seat. We want to see if you can become “independent” yourself? We’ll listen to you then, okay?
From Amanda Todd to Hannah Baker, didn’t they all try to let us know what they have been going through? Didn’t they want help from us?
Then why didn’t we try to understand them? Tell me, did they really need to die, for the society to understand that they need help?
I know, you think that I’m exaggerating right now. But think carefully. Isn’t the story always written this way. You never understand the value of something until you lose it forever, right?
But there is a point that we all miss. This isn’t a story. We aren’t loosing a childhood toy or a lover. We are talking about lives. We are losing innocent, young and vulnerable human lives every single day.
Yes it is sad. Yes it is hard. But this is the harsh reality that we all try to escape from but never get rid of. If a tree is cut down at Amazon, it is the fault of all humanity. And again, if a innocent teen is passing away right now, no matter where on the world, it is all of us’ fault.
Don’t forget; these people think they want to die but infact they only want to be saved. So next time a friend tells you that they don’t feel good, listen to them. Okay? Next time you see a girl crying on the street, take your time to go talk with them. Next time you notice a friend hasn’t been feeling well since last week, go ask what has happened. Be there for them. Make them feel that you are ready support them, regardless of what has happened. Never judge. Because nowadays, we need good listeners much more than condescending strangers.
Once I read an article. It used to say during times when you feel low, the number one question you should ask yourself is “Doing what would make me happy right now?” The author believed that you had to immediately stop what you are doing and turn your thoughts into action in order to treat yourself.
At first, the idea seemed meaningless to me. After some time I decided to try since I wouldn’t have anything to loose. Eventually I understood that the question wasn’t as easy as you imagined it would be to answer.
I quickly brainstormed. These were the first things that came to my mind.
- being with friends
- eating good food
- singing songs out loud
- reading the books I want
But I wasn’t satisfied. Reading when you felt low, didn’t change anything. Even eating your favourite pasta and chocolate didn’t give the taste it used to when your head wasn’t clear. Being with friends didn’t mean anything because when you feel down, you were there physically but not mentally, no matter what.
So I started to think once again. What really makes me happy?
Believe me or not, my conclusion was surprising. Helping others was my answer. Helping others… At that moment I got aware; I was only genuinely happy when helping someone. No matter what, maybe a community service project, maybe tutoring a student or maybe just helping a friend. But it warmed my heart and put a smile on my face.
I’m not going to tell you to help people. Of course it’s an amazing thing, but today’s moral is that no matter what you do, please take your time to ask yourself the question. “What really makes me happy?” It will neither be quick nor easy. But if you find the correct answer, you will see that it was worth it at the end of the day.
Ethics and morality. The number one quality we look for in the people we take in to our lives, ranging from our children to spouses, from our classmates to workmates. While we all have a mutual understanding of the concept of morality, the path each person follows to reach moral values differs from one another.
Immanuel Kant, the father of moral philosophy, summarized the ethical values one should bear in mind in his Categorical Imperative, in two distinct principles.
1- “Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law.”
2- “Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means.”
While the two principles doesn’t seem like they contradict with each other in the first place, it is seen that they have fundamental differences when they are thoroughly analyzed.
Imagine that you are a chief officer in the air forces. You have heard that a plane full of passengers kidnapped by a group of skyjackers. They have announced that they will kill all passengers on the plane, if their friend who have been arrested aren’t released from the prison. To make you believe, they have killed a 2-moth baby in front of the cameras of the news channels. What would you do in this case? Sacrifice the lives of the passengers in order to pursue your ideals, or let the skyjackers go away with their crime?
Lets analyze the case using Kant’s Categorical Imperative.
If you use the first principle, it is clear that you should sacrifice the passengers because no matter what, you can’t let go of your ideals. If you want your behavior to be a “universal law” you have to do what you should do, regardless of your emotions.
However, on the other side there is a principle, which states that you should never use a person as a means but always as an end. Isn’t sacrificing the innocent lives of these human using people as a means? How can you let them die, while they didn’t do any single thing that has contributed to this catastrophe?
It isn’t as simple as it seems right? Now I’m coming to my initial question. How does the society expect us to be “moral” while Kant’s Categorical Imperative conflicts with itself? Is it possible to be moral at all?
Ironic I know, but still. Moral of the day: Don’t classify anyone as “moral” or “immoral” according to the one action they took. Your understanding of moralities may be contradicting with the values of the other person. No matter what you do, you never know what they are going through or what are they thinking about. Try to be understanding, but yourself into the shoes of others and always keep the two principles of Kant’s Categorical Imperative in mind while making decisions.
I came to the point where I started to analyse the answer to the question which I used to answer “Yes!” without even a doubt. I guess this is how the realization of growing up first occurs on people.
The question is “Can one really change the paradigm of the world?”
I used to say “Yes, yes, yes and yes!” from the deepest corner of my heart, without giving the right of questioning to anyone around me. Poor me. I was inexperienced, maybe even stupid. But to tell the truth, I was happier than.
Because I did’t know what “inferior” or “superior” meant. I didn’t know what “majority” or “minority” meant. I didn’t know what “communism” or “capitalism” meant. The world was black and white for me. People were either good or bad. And there was only one rule. And that golden rule was that good people always win.
Unfortunately, that little innocent girl was right. As soon as I stepped out of my glass fan, I noticed the fundamental paradigm of the world, existing since the beginning of mankind.
World have always been harsh and mean. Not because of unfortunate coincidences or misunderstandings. Not because of randomly occurring events or catastrophes. The world have always been like this because of the humankind living on it.
Even if we insist on ignoring this fact, unfortunately it is true. Humans are selfish creatures, capable of doing every single thing when it concerns their “sake”. And these selfish people have planned this system so well that no one can ever change it. As Marx and Engels indicated in “The Communist Manifesto”, from the Medieval Europe, to French Revolution, from the Industrial Revolution to the 21st century world, the world have always been ruled under the same paradigm, only under different covers. The bourgeois always ruled the proletariat.
Therefore, my new answer to the question is “No.” I’m not being pessimistic, but this time I’m sure about my answer. Because even if it was painful, at the end I have understood. No man, no group, no ideology can change the paradigm of the world, as long as homo-sapiens are the dominant species on the planet.
Just like many other psychological term, “depression” is also misused in daily talks. While the word “depressed” is used to describe a temporary mood swing through the day, in reality, depression is a lot more than a temporary state of low mood.
The medical definition of depression is “a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings, and sense of well-being”. While the causes differ in every patient, many people show similar symptoms. In order to be able to diagnose a patient with depression the following symptoms should be seen for at least to weeks.
- Feeling sad, anxious, or empty
- Feeling hopeless or pessimistic
- Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless
- Not enjoying life
- Trouble with concentration, memory, or making decisions
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Appetite changes
- Gaining or losing weight
- Feeling restless or irritable
- Thoughts of suicide or death
In short, depression isn’t an issue that can neither be underestimated nor be ignored. As it closely affects a person’s mental and physical wellbeing, it is a case that the should be taken seriously and be treated with therapy and medication.
I hope the magnitude of depression can be clearly understood in the following years, and our society’s narrow perspective on psychology can be widened.
“Depression Center: Symptoms, Causes, Medications, and Therapies.” WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 16 May 2017.
As a person closely interested in psychology, I am aware of the fact that it is totally normal for me to go thought internal conflicts, especially regarding Freud’s Psychosexual Development Theory. The theory says, through the genital stage, which is the final step of the psychosexual development, the teen goes into a series of internal conflicts regarding work, family, love and sexual desires. With the pressure of the society, instincts of survival, sexuality and violence as well as the constant opposition of the ego and the superego, the individual lives a though process of identity crises, trying to figure out who he is and what he wants from the world.
However, I don’t feel like I am going through a process of internal conflicts; I feel like I have two distinct personalities opposing inside me.
The first side of me is savage. Wants to succeed in business and politics – is even capable of becoming the president of a country. Takes Machiavelli as a source of inspiration. Wants a career in a business environment, where she will become the CEO or the CFO one day. Wants to master the art of rhetoric, and loves attention more than any thing. Thinks methodologically, acts strategically. Wants to earn great amounts of money, willing to see everyone take her as an idol. Most importantly, this side is ambitious. It is capable of doing everything in order to succeed and get what she wants one day.
The other side is peaceful. Wants a degree in psychology, maybe even philosophy one day. Takes her favourite author as a source of inspiration. Loves reading, writing, cooking and singing. Adores children and pets, loves spending time with her family. Wants to improve her self and widen her perspective on life. She believes that an individual must be self-satisfied, with out the need of anyone else to adore her. Puts her family and love life before work. Is disgusted by the corrupt and evil atmosphere of the work life. Most importantly she is full of love and vision. Believes that one day this world can change with people like her.
Can these personalities live in me in harmony at the same time? Will I ever be able to find the balance between them like yin and yang? Are these things I’m going through normal, or am I divergent? As you can imagine, there is an ongoing storms of questions through my mind.
Freud has stated that, the process becomes very difficult for the individual and his surrounding for that time being, but at the end it transforms the immature children to an independent individual, enabling him to be capable of love and work efficiently through his life. However, I am not sure if I will ever be able to complete this steps and evolve to the person who I am supposed to be. Who knows? Maybe I was supposed to be divergent in the first place.
Although the dates may differ all around the world, there is a distinct day on the calendar for our mothers, no matter where we live at. The second Saturday of May is celebrated as Mother’s Day at my hometown and many other places in the world.
While the origin of Mother’s Day goes back to the era of ancient Greek and Romans, the roots of this meaningful day can also be be traced in UK’s Mothering Sundays or in the pioneering women of US, Julia Ward Howe and Anna Jarvis. (You can click here if you want more detailed information.)
Even though I am a person who strongly believes that no day is sufficient enough to express our gratitude for our mothers, it is a nice thing to appreciate all those sacrifices they have done for us and spend this beautiful day with our beautiful mothers.
It is generic I know, but it is the reality. It’s true that we don’t know the values of things we have, until we loose them forever. Hug your mothers strongly, buy them flowers, take them to a dinner. No matter what you do, make them smile while you can.
At the end of the day, you will see that a smile of a mother is worth the whole world. I hope you’ll understand this before it is to late and you’ll never feel a bitter sense of regret.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the beautiful mothers, grandmothers, and aunts all over the world!
1- “Mother’s Day History.” Mother’s Day. N.p., n.d. Web. 14 May 2017.
In today’s globalised world where teenagers get involved with “adult” issues earlier and earlier day by day, one of the most debated issues is whether teenagers should be involved in politics or not. While some believe that every individual, no matter what age group they belong to, should be interested in global issues that concern everyone, others believe that it is very unnecessary for teenagers who aren’t even capable of shaping their own life should bother to think about politics.
Didn’t we used to say that one’s character and perspective on life gets shaped in their early ages of childhood? Then how can we expect one to take actions in order to make the world a better place if we isolate him or her from the rest of the world for the first 18 years of their life?
Actually the definition of politics is very self-explanatory. “Politics: the process of making decisions applying to all members of each group.” It clearly suggests that if an individual is a member of a group, he or she should be involved in the process of decision making concerning themselves and the society they live in.
I don’t say teens should actively participate in a political organization or identify themselves with a specific ideology. In fact, I truly believe that teenage years is a time period where the identity and ideology of an individual gets shaped, and therefore one shouldn’t have strict ideas and beliefs. However, as every other educated individual regardless of their age group, teens should also be aware of what’s happening all around the world.
They should read the news,without having the right to ignore the ongoing issues. No matter if they will major in comparative literature, art history or international relations and politics, every teen should be somehow involved in politics. Because politics doesn’t only mean deception and corruption; it is the science of the society if it is practiced in a healthy environment.
Actually the biggest role at this point falls on the parents. “My son’s/daughter’s psychology will be affected negatively; he/she is too young to think about these things.” isn’t an acceptable explanation. If parents think about the future of their own children and the sake of the humanity, they should let them face with the harsh realities of the globe and support them with objective evaluations, without manipulation.
Because at the end of the day, these children, who are unfortunately referred as “too young” to be involved in politics, will be the ones who shape the future of our world.