A Piece of Comfort

None of our lives are rainbows and butterflies. All of us, with out an exception, are going through rough days, ambling towards emptiness. And that’s absolutely okay.

The important thing isn’t not to fall down; in fact, it is being able to stand up and keep moving at the end of the day. And that’s not easy either. Sometimes we all feel so desperate that we feel the need to give up; we can’t find the power to keep going. At those moments, we need some signs from the universe saying that we are not alone, that everything will be okay.

Unfortunately, the universe isn’t always that generous to us. So we better create our own signs, by ourselves. They don’t have to be life changing news. If something can create a little smile on your face, believe me that is a miracle. And again believe me, you’ve succeeded.

For me,

  • a cup of tea means the sincerity of my mother; it means comfort
  • a book means intellectuality; it means the power of knowledge
  • a blanket means the warmth of my home; it means safety
  • a good old song means good old memories; it means motivation and hope
  • a teddy bear means my childhood; it means pure happiness and innocence

What about yours? It doesn’t matter what you choose as your sign from the universe, or  your motivating object – what ever you call it. Make sure that you can find a piece of comfort in them; that’s all you should look for.

 

 

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Partners in Crime

All human beings are distinct individuals, responsible from their own selves. However, no matter how different we are from each other, in order to live a full life, we all have to cooperate with others. We have to come together and live as a part of a society according to our common interests.

From managing a firm to leading a group, from dancing in harmony to taking care of a child, we need our partners in crime, in every aspect of our lives.

This neither means that we are weak, nor incapable of doing what we want to. But in order to enjoy our lifespan, be successful and most importantly happy, it is certain that we have to share our lives with our significant others at some point. Whether they are our business partners, classmates or loved ones, we truly need them.

In fact, choosing a partner, trusting them to walk on a path together, is very hard. So from now on try to be cooperative; don’t push people away. Be careful; but don’t be afraid to trust. And if by chance, you have already found your partner in crime, don’t let them go. Believe me, you are one of the luck ones.

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Symphony of Thoughts

I have always believed that, if you are speaking big, you have to endure its consequences. If you say “The beauty of the world lies in the diversity of the people.” then you should act in accordance to your statement. Not only in political debates, or in front of people that you want to impress; you have to believe it from your heart and apply it to every corner of your life.

If you appreciate, or at least respect, difference you really have to internalise it. You can’t be an anti-racist and then discriminate women. You can’t identify yourself as a feminist and then abuse others because of their culture. You can’t say that you respect to all kinds of belief, and then humiliate the LGBTQ community.

It may sound extreme, but yes, if you say that you find diversity beautiful, you have respect all kinds of different opinions, even the ones that contradict with yours. Don’t forget; if you insist to imply your thoughts to matter what, you are no different than a dictator. No different than Hitler, no different than Mussolini…

So from now on, before labelling yourself as a human rights activist, respecting to all kinds of difference among the human kind, you better take the responsibility of the words you speak. And instead of fighting with every different ideology you hear, try to enjoy the symphony of thoughts that floats around the globe.

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Finding Your Path

Even though I don’t have a certain answer to the question “What is your purpose in life?”  I’m sure that everybody has a purpose. And again I don’t know where I’m going towards, but I’m sure that the path I’m following is guiding me to where I’m meant to be at.

Don’t let others scare you. Don’t let these sayings overwhelm you. Of course are days when I feel lost, and believe me, they are the majority of my days. Of course there are times when I am off track. But in reality, who doesn’t?

It is the rule of the mother nature. It rains, it snows; It’s hot, it’s cold. But days pass, seasons change, the sun rises and that foggy road leaves its way to the straight path, leading to your bright future.

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Society’s View of Psychology: Why Mental Illnesses Aren’t Taken Seriously?

Just because you can’t see someone has a mental illness, does it mean that these problems are not real? Why Mental Illnesses Aren’t Taken Seriously?

The explanation of the question probably lies beneath a psychological concept. One of the most used mental defense mechanisms, “denial” is generally used for similar situations.

It is hard to take responsibility. It is harder to bear its consequences. Accepting you made a mistake, saying you are sorry, and trying to change is virtuous. But unfortunately as Immanual Kant stated in his piece “What is enlightenment?” our society is not “mature” enough to do what is virtuous. We are not enlightened yet.

As always we choose the easy way. Instead of healing the wound, we act as if there is no harm. Hiding under the comfort of ignorance, people run away from their realities instead of confronting them.

For these kind of people, there is no depression. If there is, it is not very important. The person who is depressed loves the state of melancholy. He or she is pathetic and weak. He or she only tries to get attention to survive.

For them, seeing a psychiatrist (“shrink”) is something to be ashamed of. And again for them, people who get mental help are either mad or retarded.

But these people who ignore  mental illnesses are well aware of their existences; they just refuse to know it because they know the fact that they are the main reason for the majority of psychological problems. The situation is just too much for them to handle, so they just refuse to experience it.

No matter what, it is certain that you can’t cover a wound before you heal it. It is best to learn from our mistakes, and start the change from ourselves.

 

Defining Ourselves

We live in this world to make an impact. We  want to leave a mark behind us. To be well-known and always remembered… In short, we want to define ourselves. But more importantly  we want to be known by others, in the way that we define who we are.

Unfortunately there are some moments in life, where we are desperate. No matter what we do, how hard we try, our capabilities aren’t enough at some point. We are not able to introduce ourselves as we want to; we can’t prevent the society from labelling us.

Based on a single action you take or a decision you make people judge you. They observe you till you make a mistake, and determine who you are based on that specific second. And, oh. They don’t stop there. They label you with that nametag and they catch every opportunity to hurt you, to insult you.

When people who don’t mean anything to you does this, it’s okay. But when someone you love, you care about does this to you, it’s over. Not because you will be known by others in way that is not same as who you define your self as. Instead, because they didn’t know you well enough. Because you couldn’t show them who you are, and how much they mean to you. It hurts. So much.

No matter where you live, who you are, what you do, you will go through this. There is no specific formula to be able to cope with it. There are only two rules. They are cliche, but they mean a lot. 1: Never change for another person. Don’t let anyone ever say who you are. If someone will be in your life, they should be there because they love the way you are. And 2: Don’t value people who are not worthy of being valued. The more you pay effort, the more arrogant they become. Believe me, they don’t deserve it.

Don’t let others define who you are. Instead, let you life speak for you. 

 

On Dependency

Dependency is not only used as a word to describe the situation of a “clingy” partner. A believer is dependent to god, a fanatic is dependent to his team, a patriotic citizen is dependent to his country, a mother is dependent to her son. But why human beings feel the need to be dependent on someone so desperately?

Not so suprisingly, it all starts because of the “insecurities” people get from their childhood. People who are not treated as individuals, but instead as children not capable of taking their own decisions, turn into “dependent” adults.

If today we have religious extremists, radical fanatics, or obsessed lovers in our society, we owe these characters to again ourselves, the society itself. And again, drug addiction or shopacholicness is no different than those I have listed above.

Think it this way. Taking actions of your own, and following your ideals no matter what is hard, extremely hard. It is already safer to act as a member of the group, without breaking the rules or trying something new. But you are turning that extremely hard accomlishment to an impossible one with your actions.

If you raise a children by saying “Don’t do that!”, “Go with the flow of the group.”, “No one will listen to you if you are alone.” they will grow up listening to their parents, doing what you say. Don’t forget, they started this world with a blank page. You were the one to filled in the blanks and guided them.

So look back at your self at the mirror before accusing the generations that you have raised years ago. Choose your words carefully; plan your actions strategically. It is easy to say you are “weak” or “dependent” from your seat. We want to see if you can become “independent” yourself? We’ll listen to you then, okay?

On Suicide: Does someone need to kill his/herself to express that he/she needs help?

From Amanda Todd to Hannah Baker, didn’t they all try to let us know what they have been going through? Didn’t they want help from us?

Then why didn’t we try to understand them? Tell me, did they really need to die, for the society to understand that they need help?

I know, you think that I’m exaggerating right now. But think carefully. Isn’t the story always written this way. You never understand the value of something until you lose it forever, right?

But there is a point that we all miss. This isn’t a story. We aren’t loosing a childhood toy or a lover. We are talking about lives. We are losing innocent, young and vulnerable human lives every single day.

Yes it is sad. Yes it is hard. But this is the harsh reality that we all try to escape from but never get rid of. If a tree is cut down at Amazon, it is the fault of all humanity. And again, if a innocent teen is passing away right now, no matter where on the world, it is all of us’ fault.

Don’t forget; these people think they want to die but infact they only want to be saved. So next time a friend tells you that they don’t feel good, listen to them. Okay? Next time you see a girl crying on the street, take your time to go talk with them. Next time you notice a friend hasn’t been feeling well since last week, go ask what has happened. Be there for them. Make them feel that you are ready support them, regardless of what has happened. Never judge. Because nowadays, we need good listeners much more than condescending strangers.

What makes you happy?

Once I read an article. It used to say during times when you feel low, the number one question you should ask yourself is “Doing what would make me happy right now?” The author believed that you had to immediately stop what you are doing and turn your thoughts into action in order to treat yourself.

At first, the idea seemed meaningless. However, after some time I decided to try since I wouldn’t have anything to loose. Eventually I understood that the question wasn’t as easy as you imagined it would be to answer.

I quickly brainstormed. These were the first things that came to my mind.

  • being with friends
  • eating good food
  • cooking
  • singing songs out loud
  • reading the books I want

But I wasn’t satisfied. Reading when you felt low, didn’t change anything. Even eating your favourite pasta and chocolate didn’t give the taste it used to when your head wasn’t clear. Being with friends didn’t mean anything because when you feel down, they couldn’t cheer you up.

So I started to think once again. What really makes me happy?

I thought about it for days, maybe weeks, and  my conclusion was surprising.  Helping others was my answer.  Helping others… No matter what, maybe a community service project, maybe tutoring a student or maybe just helping a friend. But it warmed my heart and put a smile on my face.

I’m not going to tell you to help people. Of course it’s a wonderful thing to do, but it is certain that the answer to the question differs for everyone.  Ask yourself. “What really makes me happy?” It will neither be quick nor easy. But if you find the correct answer, you will see that it was worth it at the end of the day.

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