Finding Your Path

Even though I don’t have a certain answer to the question “What is your purpose in life?”, I’m sure that everybody has one. And again I don’t know where I’m going towards, but I’m sure that the path I’m following is guiding me to achieve my purpose.

Don’t let others  scare you. Don’t let these sayings overwhelm you. Of course are days when I feel lost, and believe me, they are the majority of my days. Of course there are times when I am off track. But in reality, who doesn’t?

It is the rule of the mother nature. It rains, it snows; It’s hot, it’s cold. But days pass, seasons change, the sun rises and that foggy road leaves its way to the straight path, leading to your bright future.

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Society’s View of Psychology: Why Mental Illnesses Aren’t Taken Seriously?

Just because you can’t see someone has a mental illness, does it mean that these problems are not real? Why Mental Illnesses Aren’t Taken Seriously?

The explanation of the question probably lies beneath a psychological concept. One of the most used mental defense mechanisms, “denial” is generally used for similar situations.

It is hard to take responsibility. It is harder to bear its consequences. Accepting you made a mistake, saying you are sorry, and trying to change is virtuous. But unfortunately as Immanual Kant stated in his piece “What is enlightenment?” our society is not “mature” enough to do what is virtuous. We are not enlightened yet.

As always we choose the easy way. Instead of healing the wound, we act as if there is no harm. Hiding under the comfort of ignorance, people run away from their realities instead of confronting them.

For these kind of people, there is no depression. If there is, it is not very important. The person who is depressed loves the state of melancholy. He or she is pathetic and weak. He or she only tries to get attention to survive.

For them, seeing a psychiatrist (“shrink”) is something to be ashamed of. And again for them people who get mental help are either mad or retarded.

But these people who ignore  mental illnesses are well aware of their existences; they just refuse to know it because they know the fact that they are the main reason for the majority of psychological problems. The situation is just too much for them to handle, so they just refuses to experience it.

But no matter what, everyone will have to face these realities willy-nilly; because, you can’t cover a wound before you heal it. So it is to learn from our mistakes, and start the change from ourselves.

 

Defining Ourselves

We live in this world to make an impact. We  want to leave a mark behind us. To be well-known and always remembered… In short, we want to define ourselves. But more importantly  we want to be known by others, in the way that we define who we are.

But unfortunately there are some moments in life, where we are desperate. No matter what we do, how hard we try, our capabilities aren’t enough at some points. We are not able to introduce ourselves as we want to; we can’t prevent the society labelling us.

Based on a single action you take or a decision you make people judge you. They observe you till you make a mistake, and determine who you are based on that specific second. And, oh. They don’t stop there. They label you with that nametag and they catch every opportunity to hurt you, to insult you.

When people who doesn’t mean anything to you does this, it’s okay. No way of harming one another is acceptable; of course this is one of the most mean things you can do to someone, but it doesn’t hurt much. You just get mad.

But.. But when someone you love, you care about, you value does this to you. It’s over. Not because you will be known by others in way that is not same as who you define your self as. Instead, because they didn’t know you well enough. Because you couldn’t show them who you are, and how much they mean to you. It’s stupid. But it hurts. So much.

No matter where you live, who you are, what you do, you will of through this every single day. There is no specific formula to be able to cope with it. There are only two rules. They are cliche, but they mean a lot. 1: Never change for another person. Don’t let anyone ever say who you are. If someone will be in your life, they should be there because they love the way you are. And 2: Don’t value people who are not worthy of being valued. The more you pay effort, the more arrogant they become. Believe me, they don’t deserve it.

Spend time with people who enjoy your company. Love… Love you friends, love your family, fall in love. Read, write, improve yourself. Eat, drink and travel.

Don’t let others define who you are. Instead, let you life speak for you. 

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The Jealousy of Cuteness: Why do you want to squeeze puppies?

I’m sure that you had this feeling multiple times through your life. You have seen a puppy, a kitten, or a little baby. So cute, so adorable… You wanted to take it into your arms, hug it tight, so tight that you squeeze it. Didn’t you? But have you ever wondered why?

Psychological research indicates that people have the instinct of getting jealous of things better than them. Whether they are smarter, prettier or even cuter. So when you want to hug that puppy so tight, remember: you are willing to get rid of it. Your body unconsciously responds to this extremely cute stimuli by wanting to squeeze and kill it. Weird, isn’t it?

Then how come we expect people to not be jealous of their rivals, while they can’t even can’t control their primitive instincts when they see puppies?

 

Works Cited:

“Why Do We Want To Squeeze Cute Things?” Popular Science. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 May 2017.

 

On Dependency

Dependency is not only used as a word to describe the situation of a “clingy” partner. A believer is dependent to god, a fanatic is dependent to his team, a patriotic citizen is dependent to his country, a mother is dependent to her son. But why human beings feel the need to be dependent on someone so desperately?

Not so suprisingly, it all starts because of the “insecurities” people get from their childhood. People who are not treated as individuals, but instead as children not capable of taking their own decisions, turn into “dependent” adults.

If today we have religious extremists, radical fanatics, or obsessed lovers in our society, we owe these characters to again ourselves, the society itself. And again, drug addiction or shopacholicness is no different than those I have listed above.

Think it this way. Taking actions of your own, and following your ideals no matter what is hard, extremely hard. It is already safer to act as a member of the group, without breaking the rules or trying something new. But you are turning that extremely hard accomlishment to an impossible one with your actions.

If you raise a children by saying “Don’t do that!”, “Go with the flow of the group.”, “No one will listen to you if you are alone.” they will grow up listening to their parents, doing what you say. Don’t forget, they started this world with a blank page. You were the one to filled in the blanks and guided them.

So look back at your self at the mirror before accusing the generations that you have raised years ago. Choose your words carefully; plan your actions strategically. It is easy to say you are “weak” or “dependent” from your seat. We want to see if you can become “independent” yourself? We’ll listen to you then, okay?

On Nature vs. Nurture

The question “Are human characteristics genetic or not?” is one of the most debated questions in the world of psychology. “Do I act like my father because we have a genetic connection or because he is the one who raised me?” we all think.

There are different perspectives on the issue. Nativists support the idea that human characteristic depend on genetic inheritance. They suppose that personality is caused by evolution and characteristic differences between people are because of their genetic coding.

On the contrary, there is another point of view that supports human mind is at a blank state (tabula rasa) at birth and character shapes as time passes with experience and things people learn and face in life. The significant factor that affects human behavior is nurture, how they are raised. People supporting this ideology are called empiricists.

There are different theories and experiments supporting both of these groups. While everyone tries to choose a side between these two opinions, the reality is that both nature and nurture play a huge role in human character and the main question is which one is more effective. If you ask it to me, I feel like the way we are raised, our experiences, the conditions we live in, are the things what makes us, us and shape our personality.

However, at the end we will never be able to find a definite answer to this question, but it is certain that human character is the product of the unique interaction of our heredity and the way we are raised.

 

On Suicide: Does someone need to kill his/herself to express that he/she needs help?

From Amanda Todd to Hannah Baker, didn’t they all try to let us know what they have been going through? Didn’t they want help from us?

Then why didn’t we try to understand them? Tell me, did they really need to die, for the society to understand that they need help?

I know, you think that I’m exaggerating right now. But think carefully. Isn’t the story always written this way. You never understand the value of something until you lose it forever, right?

But there is a point that we all miss. This isn’t a story. We aren’t loosing a childhood toy or a lover. We are talking about lives. We are losing innocent, young and vulnerable human lives every single day.

Yes it is sad. Yes it is hard. But this is the harsh reality that we all try to escape from but never get rid of. If a tree is cut down at Amazon, it is the fault of all humanity. And again, if a innocent teen is passing away right now, no matter where on the world, it is all of us’ fault.

Don’t forget; these people think they want to die but infact they only want to be saved. So next time a friend tells you that they don’t feel good, listen to them. Okay? Next time you see a girl crying on the street, take your time to go talk with them. Next time you notice a friend hasn’t been feeling well since last week, go ask what has happened. Be there for them. Make them feel that you are ready support them, regardless of what has happened. Never judge. Because nowadays, we need good listeners much more than condescending strangers.

What makes you happy?

Once I read an article. It used to say during times when you feel low, the number one question you should ask yourself is “Doing what would make me happy right now?” The author believed that you had to immediately stop what you are doing and turn your thoughts into action in order to treat yourself.
At first, the idea seemed meaningless to me. After I decided to try since I wouldn’t have anything to loose, I understood that the question wasn’t as easy as you imagined it would be to answer.

I quickly brainstormed. These were the first things that came to my mind.

  • being with friends
  • eating good food
  • cooking
  • singing songs out loud
  • reading the books I want

But I wasn’t satisfied. Reading when you felt low, didn’t change anything. Even eating your favourite pasta and chocolate didn’t give the taste it used to when your head wasn’t clear. Being with friends didn’t mean anything because when you feel down, you were there physically but not mentally, no matter what.

So I started to think once again. What really makes me happy?

Believe me or not, my conclusion was surprising.  Helping others was my answer.  Helping others… At that moment I got aware, I was only genuinely happy when helping someone. No matter what, maybe a community service project, maybe tutoring a student or maybe just helping a friend. But it warmed my heart and put a smile on my face.

I’m not going to tell you to help people. Of course it’s an amazing thing. But today’s moral is that no matter what you do, please take your time to ask yourself the question. “What really makes me happy?” It will neither be quick nor be easy. But if you find the correct answer, you will see that it was worth it at the end of the day.

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How does the society expect us to be “moral” while Kant’s Categorical Imperative conflicts with itself?

Ethics and morality. The number one quality we look for in the people we take in to our lives, ranging from our children to spouses, from our classmates to workmates. While we all have a mutual understanding of the concept of morality, the path each person follows to reach moral values differs from one another.

Immanuel Kant, the father of moral philosophy, summarized the ethical values one should bear in mind in his Categorical Imperative, in two distinct principles.

1- “Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law.”

2- “Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means.”

While the two principles doesn’t seem like they contradict with each other in the first place, it is seen that they have fundamental differences when they are thoroughly analyzed.

Imagine that you are a chief officer in the air forces. You have heard that a plane full of passengers kidnapped by a group of skyjackers. They have announced that they will kill all passengers on the plane, if their friend who have been arrested aren’t released from the prison. To make you believe, they have killed a 2-moth baby in front of the cameras of the news channels. What would you do in this case? Sacrifice the lives of the passengers in order to pursue your ideals, or let the skyjackers go away with their crime?

Lets analyze the case using Kant’s Categorical Imperative.

If you use the first principle, it is clear that you should sacrifice the passengers because no matter what, you can’t let go of your ideals. If you want your behavior to be a “universal law” you have to do what you should do, regardless of your emotions.

However, on the other side there is a principle, which states that you should never use a person as a means but always as an end. Isn’t sacrificing the innocent lives of these human using people as a means? How can you let them die, while they didn’t do any single thing that has contributed to this catastrophe?

It isn’t as simple as it seems right? Now I’m coming to my initial question. How does the society expect us to be “moral” while Kant’s Categorical Imperative conflicts with itself? Is it possible to be moral at all?

Ironic I know, but still. Moral of the day: Don’t classify anyone as “moral”  or “immoral” according to the one action they took. Your understanding of moralities may be contradicting with the values of the other person. No matter what you do, you never know what they are going through or what are they thinking about. Try to be understanding, but yourself into the shoes of others and always keep the two principles of Kant’s Categorical Imperative in mind while making decisions.