I’ve changed a lot in the past year. I don’t know if it is good or bad, but I know that things aren’t the same anymore.
I grew up thinking that I wanted to be the best in everything. Graduating as the top of my class, I thought I wanted a career in business, politics or law. I was so ambitious that I fought for tooth and nail when I wanted something. I was loud and dominant, perhaps even annoying. I loved the attention, constantly craving the so-called “success” I achieved.
Now I want to be in ease within my self, to be self-satisfied by nature. I want to do what I enjoy doing, not what will bring me admiration from others. I want to hear that people are inspired by me, not jealous of. I want to explore love and build a family, rather than a demanding career.
I haven’t been the only one who noticed this change. Some say that I’ve lost my determination, my passion. They say I’ve lost my path, or don’t know what I want.
Gladly, this change also brought some realizations with it. I understood that true passion doesn’t mean going after things others want you to. It doesn’t mean being so ambitious that your eyes don’t see what really matters in life. Passion means doing things you love to do, being with people you care about. It means enjoying every moment you live fully.
“Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within,” said Eckhart Tolle in his book The Power of Now. With this change, I now know that I definitely want joy in my life.